


Too Much To Ask

by orphan_account



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Ficlet, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 19:30:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12306150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: My shadow's dancingWithout you for the first timeMy heart is hopingYou'll walk right in tonightTell me there are things that you regret'Cause if I'm being honest I ain't over you yet- Too Much To Ask by Niall Horan





	Too Much To Ask

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a small ficlet I did, I've wanted to write something for Hannibal in a long time but with little to no time and inspiration I gave my shot at attempting to crawl into Will's head from the finale of season 2 up until the finale of season 3

Will’s heart echoed throughout his ears as he entered the mansion, gun drawn. Maybe he should’ve left with Hannibal, maybe he should’ve stayed out of it all together, remained in his classroom. Whatever was better didn’t seem too relevant now, although it seemed the only thing he felt was regret, the deeper he delved into the house.

-8-

There had always been something intimate, something close he shared with Hannibal he was unable to explain to anyone else. Even during the time he’d rather see him dead than alive it didn’t change anything, the same feeling, the understanding of one another remained. He never liked it, he still didn’t like it, he wanted to blame it on the empathy that allowed him to understand killers, psychopaths and all else but it didn’t feel like something forced upon him, it felt like something he had created, something that came natural, he didn’t even have to think.

The night was vivid yet the blurriest moment of his life, key moments of it were so vivid, the most in detail memories he ever had. Yet all together it felt like the biggest blur, a bigger blur than his childhood, like he wasn’t even there to experience it. Thinking about it made his head hurt, the one thing that wasn’t a partial blur was what happened with Hannibal, the knife that went into his stomach, the precise surgeon cut. Despite what was normal, he felt a minor longing for Hannibal, one that he hoped to push away and burn but he couldn’t, some part of him yearned, the one person able to understand him. 

As the lightning of the hospital flickered he wondered where Hannibal was, something he was already aware of. Italy, he didn’t know how long ago the night was but if a few days had passed Hannibal would likely be residing in Italy, not only Italy but specifically Florence, likely making even more refined meals than before, being in the heart of Italy. His mind wandered, he could've been there instead of a badly-lit hospital room with a scar across his torso, he could be drinking wine with a cannibal, yet that cannibal did seem to be the person to understand him, one of the few if not the only. It seemed bad, it still did but the tables turned and it definitely didn’t seem as bad as before, there were so many possibilities as to what could happen, how his life could’ve been changed.

How did Hannibal feel? He wondered and suddenly it felt hard to understand the man, like a barrier had formed, there had and he knew it. Maybe he didn’t want to get into his head, leave his odd mind to him alone but he was curious as to the answer, was he alone? It seemed likely but Hannibal proved to rarely be the likely. Was he still killing? Likely, he might’ve taken a break but Will assumed it wouldn’t take too long before some murders pop up again. Did he think of Will? The one he really didn’t know what to say about, he could’ve been. Hannibal seemed rather fixated onto him, maybe he moved on, maybe his mind was as occupied with Will as Will his mind was with Hannibal, maybe he forgot about Will, deleted him from his entire memory palace if that was possible, so much options.

As he focused on the lightening, attempting to clear his mind a comment Hannibal would make surfaced in his mind, likely about the food. Some part of him felt surprisingly lonely despite that he had only been awake for an hour or so and the nurses checked every once in a while, he had already seen them twice, still he felt a loneliness he hadn’t before and his suspicion was that it had to do with the absence of Hannibal, somehow it seemed his whole life had started to revolve around the man, like he was in control of Will. Then again he could’ve meant for this, whilst he understood Hannibal and, oddly, felt more like himself with him, he couldn’t quite comprehend it, whenever something arose his mind wandered to Hannibal before anyone else, maybe it was due to the nature of their intimate relationship, maybe it was the one thing he feared, love. 

Not in a simple sweet way, an obsessive toxic way, he knew Hannibal was bad for him yet part of him kept yearning for it, wanting him. It brought the truest form of himself out yet that also seemed to be the worst version of him, to say it was complicated was far too simplified in his opinion.

-8-

He was discharged, it proved life was only lonelier than he thought, in the hospital it became habit to see nurses, doctors, other patients, a constant array of visitors from his small group of people who took a liking to him, yet back with his dogs he felt happy, they filled something but a void was still left, the part of Hannibal Lecter in his life that had just faded from one day to another, a part that completely disappeared.

Nightmares came even more than they did before, it wasn’t the odd one anymore, or the regular one, a new wild array of nightmares haunted his every dream and left him more gaunt and hollow them he felt before, he watched his skin turn pale as he tried to take care of himself but it was to little avail, the nightmares kept him up the whole night, his mind was so occupied with them he got little to no sleep, when he dared to get into his bed. More often he merely fell asleep sitting in a chair, sometimes it happened all of a sudden and he just aimed to get to a soft surface. Sometimes a dream turned into a nightmare, Hannibal came back out of the blue, it could happen, for some reason he felt a very strong desire for it to happen but that moment of odd relief turned into something dark that changed every night. 

He was past Hannibal, that was the lie he told himself every day, hoping that if he kept saying it, it might actually convince him but he didn’t think it ever would. Will felt selfish and weird, how could he want Hannibal back? Yet it seemed that was the only emotion that felt clear, the only emotion he felt that he understood, a yearning for Hannibal. Was this weird? Was it Stockholm syndrome? Whatever it was he didn’t share it with anyone, no one would understand, they would just get worried about him. What was he becoming?

-8-

Hannibal watched the Florentine skyline, his sketchbook resting on his leg as he held the other side up, pencil in his right hand as he continued the process without thinking too much. He sat rather high, his leg resting on the balcony edge, but the streets down below were completely clear, all the people passing by.

His eyes fell to a particular couple of people that were passing the streets, heading for the various alleyways and entering them. He turned back to his sketch, attempting to focus on the task at hand but he found it extraordinarily hard compare to usual, the people he saw reminded him, a time that seemed like a different life. Him and Will

He wondered how Will was doing, if he estimated correctly he would’ve recently been cleared to leave with the various warnings about not spraining himself and taking good care, something, Hannibal feared, that Will would quite quickly ignore. He wondered to what ability Will would take care of himself, usually he was far from able to, neglecting his need for a varied diet and a few other things. Will seemed to enjoy neglecting the need for a varied diet, or maybe Hannibal was quite fixated on that specific aspect of his lifestyle and that of Will.

As he took a deep breath, his mind seemed to go over all possible situations that could’ve happened or would happen to Will. Who would visit, who wouldn’t, how Jack might react, what other people would do, everything played around in his mind as, what made him more curious above all would be the state Will is in, mentally. What he would do, how he felt. Hannibal had very educated guesses but they wouldn’t nearly be as close as if he spend time with Will, if he was there with him.

The deep breath was followed by a longer sip of wine, taking a good portion of the beverage in. Would Will miss the variety of dinners? Would he therapy session that seemed to grow rarer as time passed, would Will miss him? He had felt a weird intertwining feeling with Will, a mutual understanding he knew Will felt as well, if not stronger. A mutual understanding, the purest thing about a friendship to ever exist and it seemed to bloom without any forcing, it almost seemed perfect,  _ almost. _

Would Will be thinking about him now? If he was correct it would be around eleven pm in Baltimore, Will should be asleep but he wouldn’t be surprised if the teacher was up to something completely different, not only did he put little time into his diet he seemed less than interested in the need for sleep, although Hannibal was very familiar with the many nightmares that seemed to surge for him, the terrors that robbed him of his well-deserved night rest.

The sun was very slowly setting, going down from the high peak of the sky as he closed the sketchbook, despite that it was time for dinner and he had a very specific dish that he was going to prepare, his mind floated back to Will. They could’ve been together now, here, instead they were an ocean apart, Hannibal wouldn’t be surprised if that would change soon.

-8-

Will could see why Florence was the specific place Hannibal had in mind, it almost seemed like the city was made for him. He arrived early in the morning, painfully tired from all that happened before. Whilst he had a certain idea as to where Hannibal would be, Will imagined it would help if he had a small amount of sleep in his body to help him both get there and get through a conversation with another human being, right now all he needed was sleep. Of course he would be brought to such a beautiful place and city because of Hannibal, of course it had to be about Hannibal, everything seemed to revolve around him.

As he did yet before he kept thinking about how different life could be, he could’ve been in this city without what felt, and appeared, like holes in his flesh. He would’ve been able to enjoy lush and lavish dinner parties, for one he could never imagine Hannibal would stop that. He might feel guilty, maybe it would bring out the worst of him, maybe the best, maybe the one part he didn’t want to think about. To his delight it seemed the only people left in Florence, despite that it was in the middle of the day, appeared to be couples.

He was certain he shouldn’t feel this way, a feeling he couldn’t quite place but would vaguely identify as jealousy, Will himself didn’t have too much of an experience with it but due to his empathy he knew very clear how it felt for other people, a desire, a lust along with a certain guilt, a longing for something just a little too far into the distance. He hoped the feeling came due to the lack of relationship in his life, he himself can admit he’s not the best at them but the stronger feeling that became rather apparent was the fact that it wasn’t that he was missing a relationship, it was the fact that he was missing Hannibal. Whether with him or at his side, he missed him.

Weren’t if for the fact he had people in a rather close proximity to him, he would’ve laughed out loud, loud to the point people would assume some form of insanity.  _ He was in love with Hannibal Lecter.  _ Something so wild he didn’t know what to really think of it, more accurately he was terrified of it and coped with laughing, Wasn’t it hilarious though? The irony in that one sentence seemed endless and felt an urge to laugh more than before, it seemed instead of crying he opted for laughter to try and cope with it.

Their relationship had always been quite intimate.

Will’s never had something as wildly complex as their relationship. 

Maybe he was in love with Hannibal, maybe he is. It didn’t matter as he didn’t really want to hear either of them, yet he didn’t want to hear the negative either, that he wasn’t. 

His head started to hurt.

He didn’t knew what he wanted because Hannibal was so different from everyone else, from everything else he knew and he didn’t want to even think about it anymore.

But he was forced to. 

It seemed to be the only thing in his mind and that sadly wasn’t just now, it had been like that for a good time already, Will wondered if it would ever stop? He wasn’t sure whether it was infatuation, love or obsession but all of them seemed equally unhealthy now to him, Hannibal wasn’t good for him.

Despite that it seemed to be the only thing he yearned for, he wanted Hannibal here, he wanted a variety of things having to do with Hannibal and the more he could come up with the more disgusted he became with himself but it seemed an endless supply. 

Will tried to sleep.

He fell asleep thinking of Hannibal.

-8-

Of course that had to happen, it was Hannibal after all. Will felt too exhausted, both mentally and physically but pushed himself through the day, opting to find relief in his dogs only for that to be ruined too at the end of the night, the blaring lights of the sirens and the Swat team that came along with it, he thought a little much but at the same time, Will had a very subjective view of Hannibal.

_ Where I am,  _ it seemed a stupid thing, despite Will’s ability to creep inside the head of Hannibal, he was completely unable to see why. There was some small reason why, a small shrinking thought in the back of his mind he hoped to let fade even more until it had never existed, something that he didn’t want to admit to as reality.

At least Jack and the whole SWAT department had finally left, his dogs started to feel quite restless at the amount of foreign people on their soil. Despite that they were relieved, little relief came to Will who seemed unable to think straight, his mind far too active and thinking about such a wide variety of things it never seemed to be able to pin point one thought to elaborate on, something that made him even more restless than he already was.

There seemed to be very little logic to Hannibal’s actions which immediately made Will realize it was some form of a plan, something he wanted to achieve despite very desperate situations. He had to have done something, there had to be some part of a plan Will couldn’t quite grasp the concept of, it was far too reckless,  _ stupid,  _ especially for someone this sophisticated and extreme.

As night rolled around and it seemed to be around three into the middle of the night Will was still awake, and so were the biggest portion of his pack of strays. Despite being surrounded by dogs he felt painfully lonely, something he became very aware of all of a sudden, his loneliness. The loneliness he felt in the hospital hadn’t returned up until now, when Hannibal disappeared yet again.

Sometimes he felt dependent on Hannibal, he hated him, wanted to not think about him ever again yet still found himself dependent on him somehow, his mind always wondering even though he really didn’t want to, anything but him. He didn’t want to think about him anymore but there was nothing else, the news would be swarmed if not completely taken over by Hannibal, just when he didn’t want anything to do with him.

If life was good to him he would never have to see Hannibal again but he feared that would end up being far from the truth, it was never that simple.

-8-

The great red dragon, a bit ominous. Will bore no love for Dr Chilton but what happened to him was quite another extreme, something he might’ve caused. He felt like he did and he felt little to no guilt, opposed to his usual worry about losing some part of himself he had ended up realizing he’d already change an infinite amount, no need to worry. The one thing on his mind was finding the dragon, or the tooth fairy.

Whatever plan they came up with, Will didn’t expect it to work in any way, it seemed more than highly unlikely to.  He wasn’t sure if he wanted that or not, he wasn’t sure if he was in love with Hannibal or not, he didn’t know a lot of things and opted to focus at the task at hand.

It felt odd for him to focus on this, he expected to feel horrified after what happened to his own family, he did but it didn’t seem to have the impact he thought it would have, that tended to happen more often now, ever since seeing Hannibal again. He accepted it slowly, as he first tried to refuse it he found it to little avail now, Hannibal influenced him in multiple ways, more than he’d like but he ended up just accepting it, a part he didn’t necessarily like to accept, being influenced in such a way was odd. To him but it brought a change he both didn’t completely like but had definitely accepted.

All of it felt weird once he had time to think about it, everything felt odd to him, wrong to him almost yet at the same time so right, he was surprised how confused he felt, all of his feelings seemed to clash against each other like some battle yet he felt more all right than he had felt in a long time, alive and fine. Alive, most people would feel terrified at what had happened in the past months, terrified if not utterly mortified, he didn’t feel peaceful anymore but he did feel alive like he hadn’t in some time, he enjoyed his life, his dogs, his marriage and his son but there was adrenaline pumping through his veins, a constant worry, caution and some recklessness, it’s called being alive.

He missed that, he did even though his recent experience of being alive left him mortified and very much worse than he had started but he was still alive in that moment, fully anxious, worrying and his heart almost beating out of his chest but it was alive. Not that it was different during his marriage, he was satisfied, a feeling he wasn’t sure existed within him, but it was peaceful, a life with no adrenaline trying to subside his anxiety.

Today was the day, it felt like the end. He was somewhat positive it would be the end.

-8-

This was all he wanted. This was what Hannibal wanted. This was what Will wanted but never dared to admit. The end of an era, that’s what it felt like, the end of a story, may they meet again in some different life despite that Will didn’t believe in that. A love story,  a beautiful story of lust, longing, obsession, love and a complex relationship to go along with it, a romance. 

This was it, they both realized. Neither felt like this should be the end, but it was. This was all they ever wanted, and whilst Hannibal opted to express it rather clearly and Will merely longed for this without wanting to admit, this was all they wanted.

Was that  _ too much to ask? _


End file.
